Dating after divorce – when’s the right time?

May 30, 2011 by  
Filed under Life With Divorce

After divorce the beliefs you have are different than at any previous time in your life. How and when is the right time to consider dating again? If your trust has been compromised, how can you trust again? How long do you wait after divorce before getting back into the swing of things? What if, what if, what if…only you know when it is the right time or if there is a right time.

Do you deserve happiness? Yes you do. Everyone deserves happiness. Will dating bring you happiness? It certainly won’t if you never go on a date. Are you ready to date? Only you know the answer to that.

When you ask yourself “Am I ready to date?” and really allow the answer to come, what do you feel? Allow your intuition to be your guide. Listen to your inner voice as it speaks to you.

If fear, apprehension, pessimism, doubt arise when you consider going on a date after divorce it may be time to gain clarity on where those feelings are coming from. You can not attract a good relationship or even a good date if you are already feeling negative about the opportunity. Your negative anticipation will create resistance.

When you feel confident about who you are and love who you are you can love another for who they are. If you are wanting or needing to date because you are unhappy with your current situation you will simply be attracting some one to fill a gap for what you feel in lack of. If you are listening to what others are telling you instead of listening to your own inner guidance you need ask yourself why.

Dating can be stressful or fun. What are your expectations? If the date is a complete disaster can you laugh it off, or will you feel as though you wasted your time and are less of a person because of it?

Life is all about choices. Make deliberate choices that come from within you, when you feel ready, when you are confident the time is right then act upon that feeling.

If you are afraid of repeating past mistakes take time to clarify how, what or why you are afraid. What have you learned from the past? How can you take those lessons and appreciate the value they have given you so you don’t repeat the mistakes.

What are you willing to change so you can move forward and attract a more positive relationship? What will a relationship mean in your life right now? Will it complicate or enhance your life? Will it bring joy or conflict?

Spend time to get really clear as to what you want, expect and why. If you are seeking characteristics in a person that are similar to your past ask yourself why. When you repeat the same habits you will likely attract the same results.

There may have been some wonderful attributes of your past relationships that you still desire. There may have been some negative characteristics that trigger negative emotions for you. Know what these are and make a list of all you desire in the people you associate with, date and work with.
Make deliberate, conscious choices that will delight and inspire you to live happily.

This is your life. You have the choice to do what will make you happy. Choose wisely. Listen to your intuition.

If you need help with the answers that come to mind consider investing in some coaching to help you gain clarity. As a coach I inspire you to look within for what feels right for you, support you in the process of gaining clarity and hold you accountable to taking the action you choose to take. If the question of dating, how can I trust again, am I ready or others are at the forefront of your mind it may be time to consider what this means for you. Opt-in for a free consultation and I will discuss with you the program I have designed for creating great relationships that allow you to live with happiness, better health and total abundance.


2 Responses to “Dating after divorce – when’s the right time?”
  1. Eita says:

    I’ve been married a year and 10 mohtns. Our biggest test has been overcoming the temptation to quit. We are now leveling out and coming to a point where we are now considering each other. During our first year and 1/2 we were trying to please each other by doing things that we thought you should do. For example, I was dressed up with candle lights and lingirie waiting for my husband when he got home from work at 11pm. I was very angry when I found that he wanted to go to sleep after I had made the sacrafice to wait up for him. Now, I understand that he is truly tired, and we make compromises. A wise person once said, Seek to understand, and then to be understood. This is a very helpful thing to do in a marraige. Even when the other person does’nt understand you, and you sacrafice to understand them, they see your efforts and notice a difference in you and will eventually come around and adopt your maturity. Do what works for you all and not what others in other people’s marraiges or what you think SHOULD work.

  2. Wendy MacKay says:

    Very wise words. It does take time to find a balance of give and take and understanding in every relationship. Communicating openly and honestly is essential without blame, shame or criticism only love and acceptance. When we assume we know what the other person is thinking or feeling and try to change them or ‘adjust’ them into what we want it can cause that person to shut down. We don’t always need to understand why, in fact often we don’t even understand ourselves so being open to exploring and discussing to discover the why can be a great place to start. Having a sense of humour helps too!

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